There are one or two kind souls who have expressed disappointment at the passing of Sgt. Pepper's Only Dart Board Band, demanding to know why we have decided to end it all after this final tour.
I wish I could spin a sordid story of John Freeman's crack cocaine habit becoming unendurable, or finding Rob Waller in a hotel bath tub immersed in his own vomit, following another post-gig binge- drinking session. The truth is, we're not quite that type. In fact, Colin Holley's idea of a decadent night with the band depends very much on whether he's joined us for a mild chicken korma take away, or ventured out on his own to find a chip shop. We rather hoped our new drummer Colin Chalk might lead us down the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire, but he's just as sensible as the rest of us.
So it may be deduced the Dart Board Band is not breaking up in order to enter rehab. The reasons are far more prosaic I'm afraid. When asked why we're quitting, my stock answer is that "We were too old to play The Beatles when we started, and that was twenty years ago." That, in part, is a valid reason. But then, having disguised ourselves so heavily over the last twenty years with wigs, paint- on moustaches, and long, bright, Sgt. Pepper jackets, there's not a lot of the "real us" to reveal. We always were more like the cartoon version of The Beatles in "Yellow Submarine" than the real thing. I suspect it is those tribute bands who slavishly attempt to be lookalikes, who age more noticeably. We've always pedalled the same old jokes about being "older than the originals", and have never traded on nostalgia, in the sense that we're asking the audience to "pretend" we're the Fab Four. "Flab Five"- more like. The "Sgt. Pepper" name tag was a deliberate attempt to avoid that.
Age, though, is a consideration. Anyone who has watched Sir Paul on TV of late, will note that reaching those top notes isn't quite so easy when you're a septuagenarian. Sir Paul certainly set the tonal bar high in those respects. The Beatles pitched up their recordings to take them to the limits of their vocal range, and singing all those top notes for two hours is exhausting. Maybe Macca needs to lower the keys, but then he might lose the distinctiveness in his voice. No one will forgive a tribute band who can't actually sing the proper notes, and we certainly wouldn't follow the foul path of those "tribute" acts who actually mime.
Also, at our level, one doesn't expect a troupe of roadies to take care of all the lifting and carrying. It is a delight to play in theatres and halls where a big PA system is installed, and only have to carry personal equipment. When required to perform a private function or smaller gig, we have to bring our own PA, and although it's fairly compact, it's still heavy enough to cause problems when manoeuvering up stairs, down long-corridors, and through rooms crowded with early arrivals. In recent years, I've found myself sometimes spending most of my gig fee at the chiropractors the following week. If the performing, plus the lifting and carrying isn't enough, then driving back perhaps a hundred miles or more in the early hours of the morning is enough to wipe one out for the next two days. On the plus side, it does help keep some of the weight off. With a succession of gigs in a single week I've been known to burn off half a stone.
The above however, doesn't tell the entire story. When we formed the band, for me it was a great diversion from the worthy and original theatre and music projects I'd been involved in. I enjoyed those shows very much but they were a labour of love, involving touring long distances, often playing to very small audiences. Being in a tribute band guaranteed something of an audience, and as our reputation built, we were offered some exceptionally good gigs in interesting music venues and theatres. The Cavern obviously stands out, but so does Mr.Kyp's in Poole, The Boardwalk in Sheffield, The Ferry in Glasgow, and more recently, The Artrix Theatre in Bromsgrove. Sadly, many of our regular venues either changed hands, or closed after the recession kicked in from 2008, and there has been a steady reduction in the number of reliable bookings since. I have also noted from my other work promoting music, there is a general decline in audiences willing to shell out to see tribute bands. The bubble hasn't quite burst, but some of the better known and respected tribute bands are playing to much smaller audiences than in their prime. As most fees these days are tied to box office returns, being in a tribute band is by no means lucrative.... far from it. Many tribute bands promote themselves by directly hiring halls and theatres. We won't be the only act to have travelled many miles to perform for little more than expenses. Sometime we've incurred a loss.
We formed Sgt. Pepper's Only Dart Board Band in the hope that we might play high profile gigs from time to time. In that respect we've been quite lucky, with wonderful trips abroad and excellent festival bookings. To sustain those high points however, we have also played many functions and pub gigs, which are not always as much fun as we might pretend. As my first book "Being John Lennon" informs, it's not easy roasting under intense and close stage lights in a sweaty costume and wig, with the audience dancing up to the microphones, and the flames from a pub fireplace licking at ones buttocks. At one time people used to blow the cigarette smoke all over you, now they just stagger into the mic stands and fall over the monitors. It may be fun to start with, but twenty years is enough, and if those kind of local gigs look set to become all we have left, then maybe it's time to step aside and look for another challenge.
There are far too many Beatles tribute bands out there willing to put up with the indignities inherent in this kind of act. There is a real pleasure to be had in recreating the best and most challenging canon of popular music any single band ever produced. That I will miss. But better to go out on a high, with reputations intact, happy memories, and some semblance of dignity remaining.
"And in the end, the love you take
Is equal to the love you make."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Martin-Dimery/e/B006T5GAKE/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1413216581&sr=1-2-ent
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