For a moment, the pond was worried ... would it be possible to get through the weekend without a barrage of reptiles carrying on about the Voice?
Strangely the reptiles seemed distracted at the top of the digital edition, but it was a huge relief to the pond ...
There was Twiggy, and no apparent recognition that the reptiles had made a fortune out of dementia (where would the HUN, the Currish Snail and the Terror be without the footy?) and down below - if you looked past simplistic Simon and the lesser member of the Kelly gang - Dame Slap was railing at activist judges, as has been her wont for decades.
And there up on the far right was the dog botherer, returning to his usual turf of climate science denialism.
It was no contest between Dame Slap and doggie boy ...
Sure the pond had heard it all before, but any port in a storm, and who needs Lloydie of the Amazon when you've got the dog botherer in full denialist, "won't somebody think of the children?" Helen Lovejoy flight ...
Ignore the undiluted comedy of the dog botherer doing a Sgt Friday and demanding the facts.
What's the real reason here? Dare the pond suggest that the dog botherer is such a narcissist, he actually craves attention from
Media Watch? Surely this is an attempt to get on next Monday's show and get a feud going?
The pond's suspicions were roused by the rogues gallery of snaps scattered through the yarn ...
Not Major Mitchell, patron saint of reptile climate science denialists? Does the peculiar Claire in the middle realise the company she keeps? Probably, she's apparently really chummy with the dog botherer, and yet we've known about his
parenting skills for a long time ...
Back with the dog botherer, deep into his Helen Lovejoy impression ...
It's not just BTN! Apparently Kudelka is in on the boycott and he's been scaring little kiddies for yonks with outrageous claims ...
What'a a professional climate scientist to do when confronted with this sort of idle propaganda? Can't a child even look at a cartoon without feeling insecure?
Sweet little things, they need the comfort of the dog botherer, doing his wolf routine with grandma, so that kids can understand the caring side of wolves ...
Ah the old unrestrained catastrophism routine, with children apparently incapable of noticing what's been happening, and what's routinely reported by cartoonists ...
Sadly the pond is going to run out of cartoons before the dog botherer is going to run out of verbiage, and now for that guest appearance by consorting Claire ...
Indeed, indeed, an astonished Claire, and the dog botherer can never stop repeating himself, such is his delight in himself, but please allow the pond once last chance to terrify the children ...
Of course some might think the dog botherer in full flight is more terrifying ...
Yes, without mentioning climate science denialism! Just the distorted lies and mangled facts, ma'am, demands this Joe Friday.
And so to end with a rousing celebration of Major Mitchell, patron of reptilian denialism ... shush, little kiddies, don't cry, it'll soon be over ...
It beggars belief. Now for more high comedy, why not read about News Corp's alleged goals ...
Contact with comments or questions? Nah, couldn't be bothered, click bait climate science denialism journalism is deep in the soul of News Corp, and all that pious top dressing is just the sort of virtue signalling you should expert from a corporation dedicated to doing evil ...
And so to the bonus, and again the pond sensed it might be in trouble ...
There was Polonius, but he had to be saved for Sunday, and there was the long forgotten Georgina preparing for war, and there was the oscillating fan and "here no conflict of interest" simplistic Simon, and a Clegg going off the Voice rals and becoming unglued, but once again the pond was saved by the bromancer ...
Donning a beguiling black and a full length leather coat - Hermann Göring always had the best rack - the fundamentalist bromancer was on hand to explain his deep and abiding love for populism, authoritarianism, and heck, downright coup-loving fascism ...
Of course in none of what follows will Faux Noise, and its flirtation with fascism and love of Putinism, be mentioned ...
That's possibly because the bromancer, trained early on a love for Franco, is deep in the authoritarian dictator worship mode ...
Is this the point at which it should be remembered that Clinton won the popular vote by 2.87 million? Probably not, after all, Hitler just needed the help of a few chums to gain power, and where would the Donald have been without chairman Rupert and the peculiar voting mechanisms deployed in the United States ...
Now back to the criminal love ...
Sorry, it goes without saying that the pond was going to seize the chance to run a few 'toons because the pond has already heard many times before the bromancer's fascination with populist authoritarians, demagogues and dictators ...
At this point the reptiles decided to run that mug shot, discreetly framing out any unsavoury element, and the pond thought it should get all the snaps out of the way in one go because this was going to be a long haul ...
Sheesh, not little Johnny, but the bromancer is right, there's one that knows how to do the pose ...
And then on with the long march ...
That's such a wildly Romantic interpretation that for a moment the pond thought it was back in Victorian England. Then the pond realised it was reading the bromancer. Victorian England seemed impossibly modern ...
The pond realises that there's a temptation to list off novelists who did a little journalism, and vice versa, from Mark Twain through Hemingway to Mailer, but we're not talking about reality here, we're talking about reasons to cheerful and to love facsists, part three ...
Strange, the bromancer has thus far failed to mention Vivek, but surely he's exactly the sort of showboating con artist and snake oil salesman that should appeal to him ...
Never mind, on we trudge, with the pond wondering if it might not have been better off with a nattering "Ned" Everest climb challenge...
Dear sainted aunt, Bob and Trump ... but clearly the bromancer can recognise talent when it walks in the door ...
Hire that man ... and let the bromancer carry on endlessly with his enduring infatuation ...
Yep, that'd be the John Howard that not only lost government, but managed to lose his seat, and yet remains deeply loved by the reptiles ...
Around this point the pond began to feel vaguely hysterical and had an urgent desire to rush out of the room, or take a look at a blonde news network, anything for a distraction ...
Around this point the pond also realised that there were just two gobbets to go, and there was a glut of cartoons to hand. Best clear the deck ...
Then it was on to the penultimate gobbet ...
And so to the final gobbet, and if you haven't rushed out to order your full-length black leather coat, you clearly have failed to appreciate what the bromancer is offering ...
Barking mad, of course, but it explains why next week the bromancer will be offering a long screed on the enduring charm and appeal of Adolf and Benito, and an explanation of how Nazis keep SBS in the viewing race, followed by a long and worshipful piece on the enduring attraction of Vlad the impaler - if only the bromancer could bomb China the way Vlad is treating the Ukraine - as well as lots of idle speculation on the delights of any other authoritarian, coup-loving demagogue who happens to be passing by...
And then it was with great relief that the pond realised it could close proceedings with an immortal Rowe, featuring Twiggy, though it seems a long time, an eternity, since the reptiles started from there ...
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